i don't plan on having that self control this summer
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
