I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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