im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Randomize
