A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...