I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
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Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
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I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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