If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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