I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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