how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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