i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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