Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
