so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
