47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
