Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
