fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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