walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
