These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
