My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We smell like vodka and hangover
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