Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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