i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
