We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
