arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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