People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
