He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm just crazy horny about you
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize