I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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