can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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