i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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