It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize