Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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