One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Houston, we have a blender
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
