This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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