Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
