just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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