I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
