the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
