This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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