Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
