Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
