I can tuck mytits in my pants
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
