Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
