never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
