If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
