Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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