Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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