Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Your dad touched me again.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
