Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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