Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Woke up backwards on a recliner