okay pat passed out under dana's car
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.