I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.