The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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