I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.