Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.