Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.