I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila