Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
