is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
