Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
