Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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