hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
