Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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