I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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