he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
