he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
