When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
