Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
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Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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