ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
