omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
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