you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
