No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
