Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
