we're blogging at a bar
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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