DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
