and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
