Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
