i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize