im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
