my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
